i seriously think my sister sucks full-time.
even my brother agrees.
she doesn't even hold an respect for me.
hurtling hurtful insults after insults at me.
yeah right. so what if im fat.
i know that and im trying to lose weight.
i know im fat.
& fat people get a lot of illness.
& you saying that meaning you think i would be better off dead.
you think you have your psle.
i dont have my exams?
i have my cca
plus giving tuition.
your life is far better than mine.
im doing your share of housework for you all the time.
& you cant even let me on my fav song for a moment to relax.
that's your way of saying thank you?
i would rather you do nothing then.
you can have all these freedom at this age which i did not had
was all because i fought the right from daddy for you.
& not even a thank you.
but just cursing me to get diabetes, heart disease, skin cancer.
you name it, she has it.
sometimes you dont know how tired i am.
i never told you my problems.
& the moment i step into the house.
you start rattling off at me.
for heaven's sake, mummy & daddy dont even do that to me.
what right do you have?
tell me what right?
no fucking right that is.
i can do what i like.
don't need you to come and order me around.
i really wish i can rip off your ears.
those oh-so-sensitive ears which caused me so much trouble.
i dont need you to control my life.
& neither do i wish to control yours too.
you're just adding on to my never ending frustrations & problems.
you dont realise that do you?
looking back at those scars left by your scratching & beating.
it's really not worth it.
you're just a damnit spoilt girl
who cannot stand others not giving in to you.
a control freak who tries to control your siblings.
pathetic i would say.
you've got not enough attention ah?
must come and find fault with us when we didn't even comment on anything you do.
& rub it in when im getting scolded or sad.
it doesn't help you know.
i may keep mum about it
but that doesn't mean that im not angry or sad
it's just that i have no more energy to argue with you.
things at school is really crushing me dead
you dont have to do this to me.
i know you're damn embarrassed that you have a sister like me.
a total disgrace to you i know.
such a fat & ugly sister.
who seemingly cannot be compared to your beauty.
you dont have to tell others that im your sister.
i dont mind. i'll just keep away.
i never forced you to like me.
& you come to me begging for help whenever there's a problem.
& not even a thank you after ive help.
use my stuff, take them.
& i cant use them in school.
& when they finish, i have to restock up.
y'know i have really not enough money already.
by doing this, you're not spending any money.
thus u save a lot.
but stupid me spend them for you to use.
& have little savings at the end of the year.
& when daddy probes, it's because i eat a lot.
thus resulting in my humongous size
which you cant even stand.
my friends dont even say that to me.
& you do that.
it reminds me of the 9 pm show.
you speak ill of me in front of me.
i cant believe what you tell others about me behind my back.
but i dont care.
not anymore.
go on.
downgrade me.
humiliate me.
ostracise me.
criticise me.
insult me.
it's not like i haven't had it before.
it's just another meaningful thing for you to do.
i'm the devil & you're the angel.
angelic person on the earth
i used to think that families are always the ones there for you when you're not okay.
when you're at the verge of breaking down.
when the tears do not help anymore.
when the smiles have turned fake.
when making yourself busy doesn't make you forget things which you want to forget.
your pettiness & fucking attitude.
is gonna do you in eventually.
it will.
& i'll not help you.
